MY 24-HOUR EXPERIENCE IN TAMALE

Even though I have spent less than 0.5% of the last 10 years in Tamale (which I'm not proud of, so no need to judge), I was more than convinced I'd fit back in seamlessly, until my last visit a week ago.  

You're Naked Without a Motorcycle

When I decided to make a 24-hour trip to Tamale for urgent family business, I didn't inform any of my Tamale-based friends about this visit. Main reason being, time constraints. So in other to remain invisible, I turned down any offer to run my errands (mostly around town center) using a motorcycle and chose to walk instead; worse decision ever! As I would come to find out, a pretty lady (if it's a lie, then boys y3 f*cking!) trekking in Tamale town is as naked as the nose of a pregnant woman in her third trimester! You're better hidden behind a motorcycle, with other riders more focused on making it pass that red traffic light rather than other riders. On several occasions, people's stares got me checking my zipper for a free show happening under my trousers. And so of course, I got a couple of complaints about being around and not linking up. 

One Big Happy Family

The people of the North are generally socialized in an intricately woven family network system; so no need to tip that overly nice taxi driver or tour guide; its a truly genuine distin! This taxi driver was so nice, I developed a headache just trying to think up nice conversations to reciprocate. For those that know me personally, you know how much effort that took. I even got gisted on how his long-time fiancee ditched him for delaying their marriage; poor guy could have used a long, hearty hug!

Arrogant Flirtations 

The fact that he likes you doesn't mean he's gonna pamper and kr)kr) you. Prepare yourself for expressions like "my friend! come and stand here let me admire your sexy ass" or even "look! stand properly before I grab those succulent boobs!". 

Passive Business Attitude 

Unfortunately, this isn't really an attribute to be boastful about, but just so you know, there's no need rushing out at 8am to run your errands when you're in Tamale. Relax, bath, eat, iron, get your beauty sleep, make-up and then, you're all set to go.

Weather 

The weather in Tamale, at this time of the year, is as unstable as the Ghanaian cedi against the dollar. It's so hot and sticky at night, it'll take a miracle to successfully sleep without a fan or air-condition. But just when the body finally begins to adapt, then the chilly morning breeze hits you in a swift drive-by like the one that killed Tupac! I say swift because, it doesn't even last up to 2 hours, and you're on your own.